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Big time success requires this one special ingredient
To have ultimate success and achieve your biggest and wildest dreams, you need to have a solid understanding of everything we have discussed thus far and take action.
- Knowing your values and what is important to you
- Having a vision of your life, setting goals and making plans
- Getting your head in the right space and building the person you need to become through the right habits
- Acquiring the tools (skills, knowledge and experience) for success
- Building relationships that help you reach your long-term vision
- And doing what you need to do day in and day out. Has today got you a step closer to your goals?
Maybe for most of us, if you can master those 6 points you can achieve most things you want in life.
But there is something more, one more ingredient that truly successful people (in any aspect of life) have that us mere mortals don’t activate ……..
Listening to a podcast
I listen to the Science of Success podcast. The guest on this particular show was Alex Banayan (show date 27 December 2018 and again on 12 December 2019). He was (at the time of the show) keenly interested in the moments that launched the successful to where they are today.
Alex’s focus was on those moments that made the difference. Especially in their 20’s or thereabouts. Most success books focus on where the person is now and the big moments in their life. He was interested in those key moments when they were just starting to build their empire or take off in their chosen career.
Alex was talking about everything he did to get interviews of the most successful people in America including Bill Gates and Lady Gaga. It was a 5-year mission.
The thing that hit me about this interview with Alex, was not the people he was talking about. It was how he went about getting the interviews. If Alex had snared an interview with one or two big fish, it wouldn’t have turned into a book (The Third Door). He needed lots of interviews and stories.
As Alex was talking, he was ticking off everyone of the steps above in the success pyramid. And then another was added …….
The defining moment
Quite often we find ourselves falling short at certain moments in life. It’s not that we failed, we didn’t even try.
Courage.
The courage to step beyond our comfort zone and risk getting shot down.
As I write this, I can think of many times in my life where I wanted to do something but didn’t. It was too far outside my comfort zone. I know my personal training business was limited by my ability to step outside my comfort zone to promote myself. The problem with being introverted is it’s a small comfort zone, well that’s my view of it. Of course, you never know what might have been, but you think “what if”.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” (Wayne Gretsky)
People get hung up on the misses (myself included), but what if you actually got one in. How could that change your life?
In Alex’s interview, it was his courage to take a shot that amazed me.
To get the funding to spend time on his book he went on a TV game show. He’d never even seen the game show on TV before. First, he figured out how to get on the show and not just in the audience. The producers look for the “right” people to be on the show. A person that will add to the entertainment. He put himself out there to be noticed.
In the hour before the show, he basically interviewed everyone else waiting to get on the show about what tips and tricks he could use to win.
He got on the show. He won the grand prize. Sold the prize and was able to fund his quest to write his book.
When in the process of seeking out interviewees, he was sitting at a café with a friend and one of his “targets” walks in. His immediate reaction was not to bother him and leave him be to get on with his day. Obviously, the friend gave him a nudge to get up and talk to him. Alex did eventually get up. He mustered the courage to get up and take his shot.
That shot, he got. Others he missed. However, he kept trying to take shots, using different strategies to get want he wanted.
To me, that is so far outside of my comfort zone. Could I ever go there?
For some it’s easier than it is for others.
I haven’t read the book. I didn’t need to. Sorry Alex! Lesson already learnt.
The concept behind the title of The Third Door is like getting into a nightclub. The first door involves you queuing up like everyone else hoping to get in. The second, the VIP door for the “beautiful” people. The third, going around to the back entrance and showing some initiative to get in.
The third door is the door most successful people have managed to open.
The rest of us are still waiting in the queue hoping to get in!
Then, how do we get “in”:
- When an opportunity appears – take the shot, or
- Create your own opportunities to then – take the shot.
His interview and book clearly illustrate how important courage is to success.
And it’s not just the “big” moments. It’s the lots of little opportunities to show courage along the way that counts.
If you are told “no”, then you are no worse off than before.
Courage in your life
Maybe you don’t want an empire or number 1 hit song.
Do you want a better life? The better job, the better partner, the better anything.
To get there, you may need to be different than you are today.
That takes courage.
The courage to leave the comfortable self that everyone knows behind and chart a new path as a new person.
It doesn’t take a monumental shift. You may only change by 1 degree (on a compass not temperature), however, given enough time, that shift of 1 degree makes a significant difference.
Imagine having the guts to:
- ask the person of your dreams out on a date
- start a business
- ask someone to be a mentor
- ask for an increase in pay
- apply for the better job
You have a chance if you are well prepared and brave.
As we have already discussed in previous articles, your goals need to be aligned with who you are.
- Is that person truly the right one for you?
- If you start a business, do you want the responsibilities and hard work that goes with it?
- Is this the career path for you?
If the answer is yes, then who do you need to become to successfully achieve your goals and dreams.
A big word of caution when it comes to finding the right partner. Persistence is admirable but if you cross the line, that becomes harassment and that’s not acceptable. If they have said no, it’s for a reason. If you can’t overcome that reason, it will never be. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Both of your worlds need to align for sparks to fly.
Aside from the above caution, you need to learn to see “no” as an obstacle not the end.
What do you need to become to get the “yes”?
Often, that will be a change in strategy or an improvement on who you are right now. That may be new skills, knowledge or experience.
Courage under fire
What stops you from taking the steps to achieve your dreams?
Do any of these ring a bell?
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being abandoned by your friends and family if you go out and try to achieve your dream
It is critical to identify which one of these, or all of them, impact you the most. You must address these issues. Otherwise, you will be forever stuck.
Your burning desire may not burn hot enough.
Alex illustrates the concept of burning desire perfectly.
You are standing in the street and opposite, a building is on fire. Smoke and flames everywhere. Another person in the street comes to you and says there is a $5 note on the third floor on the second apartment from the left in the bathroom.
Do you want to go get it?
No!
Similar scenario, burning building. This time the other person says that the person you love the most in this world is trapped on the third floor …….
You wouldn’t be waiting to hear the directions, you’d be off like Usain Bolt.
What’s the difference?
Your burning desire. Your reason for taking action.
Many people are hooked on the comfort of the queue to get into the first door. Your family and friends are there. The job you have puts food on the table and has created a certain lifestyle. It’s hard to leave for the unknown.
Deep down, you know it’s time to leave the line and make your own way.
Is it scary or is it thrilling?
What is your reason to “run through the flames”?
Courage in application
If you have an analytical mind like mine, all the ducks need to be in a row. All nice and neat. The next step is a certainty.
How has that worked for me? Meh. Is anything ever a certainty? No!
I see others that just jump in the deep end without knowing how to swim (not literally thankfully). Does that work? It can.
A more solid strategy could be to get yourself most of the way, say 70-80%, then jump. I feel more comfortable with that idea.
Everyone is different.
I have heard that if you read a job description and you feel that you can do everything on the list, you are looking at the wrong job.
You can’t grow as a person if you don’t expand your boundaries. Learn and experience more.
And that takes risk. Taking risk requires courage. Courage to act.
“The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better”. Stephen King (author)
Action
It is said that fortune favours the brave.
Your actions define your life. Nobody knows what you are thinking or feeling. They only see what you actually do.
And doing nothing gets you nowhere.
Having great goals and plans are nothing without action.
Great goals and plans generally require great action.
You will need to break through personal barriers to get to the life you want.
The Wrap
The creation of this article was a real moment of reflection for me. I’ve never fully taken control of my life because I have often lacked the courage to do so. I knew it to some degree before but now it is as clear as day.
That’s not to say that I haven’t stretched myself and gone into a little discomfort.
But in no way can I say I have been in control of my destiny. I guess I’ve been maybe 50% passive and 50% in charge. I don’t know if it’s possible to be 100% in control, but I feel I need to get that percentage up to the 80% mark at least.
The best way to do that is incrementally. See the chart below.
If it’s your first experience outside of your comfort zone or you haven’t been there for a while, it can be a shock to the system. But it is trainable.
The more you take yourself outside your comfort zone, your adjustment period decreases with each repetition (without leaving it too long) and your comfort zone grows as well.
Therefore, change becomes easier. This is just my theory. From my experience and the logic of it, it makes sense to me.
A bigger step up will increase the duration of the discomfort (the adjustment period). But’s that’s ok.
The approach you take is up to you. Small but regular steps or just rip the band-aid off and cope until you settle in.
A saying in success circles is …..
“Be comfortable with being uncomfortable”.
Success doesn’t come from displaying tremendous courage once or twice in your lifetime. It comes from lots of moments. Some may be little, others bigger.
If your desire is strong enough, it can pull you through to the other side and then you stop and think … wow that was a gutsy move.
Up next …..
Take action in your life.
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