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How to magnify your success through the right connections
Would you rather climb a mountain to attain success within your career or your own business, or would you rather have doors opened for you (without the mountain)? This is what effective networking can do for you.
From my personal perspective, I have always known that it is important but I avoided it like COVID-19. Why? I’m on the introverted side, I don’t like small talk, I lack confidence in selling myself, I lacked conviction in what I did and I thought it was just about asking people to do things for you.
So, if you don’t like networking, I can’t blame you. However, as I went about it (or never really tried) the wrong way, you may be too.
Networking definition: the exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions.
To me, this definition sounds like pushing what you do onto someone else in the hope of gaining benefit from them. Almost like cold-calling. Another cringe-worthy activity. I take my hat off to those that do that for a living.
When I ran my personal training business, I knew I had to get out there and “network”, however, it always felt like cold-calling sales and it was taking me too far out of my comfort zone. Clearly, I went about it the wrong way.
There is no doubt that it limited my success.
Is networking really necessary?
According to George C. Fraser and his book “Click”, most serious business deals and job opportunities are the result of private information with around 85% of jobs secured through networking. A statistic supported by the U.S Bureau of Labour and Statistics. A basic internet search gave results ranging from 70-85%.
Just think about this. While you and a friend are looking on job websites, another 8 people are walking into jobs because of the relationships they have built.
Blows my mind.
Is it fair? Doesn’t matter.
It’s the way the world works.
Let me say that again – It’s the way the world works.
I was/am so insular (not self-absorbed but just not aware) that I failed to understand some of the basic rules of the world.
One of those rules is that relationships rule the world.
A web of relationships
The definition of relationship – the way in which two or more people or things are connected.
The key word here is connected.
How do you connect with other people?
Therefore, a better way of looking at networking, is as a web of relationships or connections.
In this “web”, information or opportunities can flow.
And if you are looking for healthy relationships, which I hope you are, and not just one-sided interactions where you try and get what you want, you need to cultivate good connections.
Therefore, to build a connection, the other person needs to like you and feel that you are trustworthy.
Be your genuine self.
You won’t know when, how or from whom the information or opportunities may come, but if you don’t have a network, you must do all the work yourself.
For example, you’ve made a good connection at work with someone that you hope may one day help with your career. They know someone who knows someone that needs a person like you for their company. Out of the blue, months or years down the track, you get a call from Mary who got your name from Bill who got your name from Jane (the person you connected with and stay in touch with) and said that you are great at graphic design. I need someone for a particular role, are you interested?
Should everyone you meet be in your network?
No. Of course not. It’s not about handing out a million business cards. Cards get tossed out immediately and you won’t be remembered.
A LinkedIn connect request is probably just as useless unless you then work on developing a proper connection.
How to use LinkedIn for networking is beyond the scope of this post, however, there are many articles on the internet to help you make the most of LinkedIn.
Hint: Companies may try to recruit directly via LinkedIn and bypass expensive recruitment agencies.
Who should be in your network?
Remember we are not talking about making lifelong friends, however, that may happen. We are talking about making business connections to help grow your business or enhance your career.
Andrew Sobel in his book “Power Relationships” suggests quality is better than quantity.
He suggests being strategic with your approach to networking and first figure out who matters most. Who is clearly valuable to your career? This may be a list of up to 20 people. Maintaining these relationships is important. Either on the phone or in person connect 2-3 times per year. More if the situation allows.
You should maintain a database of your network, if your memory isn’t great for these things (like mine), so you know their interests, family, when you last spoke or emailed, what it was about, etc. Go over it before you contact them and update it after the meeting or call.
Sobel also suggests think of people, not positions. This means don’t just focus on the people above you. There may be people at or even below your level that are real corporate flyers. They are smart, ambitious and motivated. Don’t be afraid of them. Get in with them. They may be the future CEO. Plus, people at or around your level will be easier to connect with as opposed to those 20-30 years older than you.
Other people you may wish to connect with are decision-makers, information sources and cheerleaders.
Decision-makers: people who can provide you with direct leads, hiring managers, or key people in other departments that you work with.
Information sources: People who can provide valuable insight into companies, industries, trends and people whom you need to know.
Cheerleaders: People that can provide references for you.
How not to network
According to George C. Fraser, and other articles I have read, the most common mistake that people make when networking is to focus on your own needs without finding a way to add value to the person you have just connected with.
Either you’ve done it or it’s been done to you, you meet someone and all you/they do is talk about yourself/themselves and what you/they do and blah blah blah. People will tend to switch off long before you’ve finished talking and they won’t want to ask another question for fear of the response.
What do people normally like to do in a conversation? Talk about themselves. I personally hate talking about myself. I’m the outlier here.
Use that basic knowledge. Ask open-ended questions to get them talking. Look for common areas of interest or work.
How to network
George C. Fraser (Click) has devised a formula for truly connecting with someone:
C2 x F x √T = CL
C = chemistry. This is the most important attribute and involves emotions, aura, charisma, posture, energy, physiology, appearance, humour.
F = fit. This may involve a common goal within a company, shared values, shared experiences, high levels of trust, common interests.
T = timing. Are you connecting at the right time in each of your lives to benefit? This could be planned or not.
CL = click. Do you “click” with the other person?
For our purposes here, we are not talking about finding a life partner or best friend. Therefore, you may only connect on one or two things like a common goal at work or an interest in base jumping. So it does not have to be a soul inspiring connection!
It also doesn’t have to be a 3-hour conversation. It can be an enjoyable few minutes discussing the area on which you connect and then you move on.
Even better would be to figure out how you can add value to their life or work situation.
If you went into every networking situation thinking that you want to meet a few key people and then figure out how you can use your talents, resources or connections to enhance the other person’s life, wouldn’t that make networking easier to do?
Your value-add may not even be work related. You may offer to connect them to someone in your network that can help them with their health, a hobby or area of interest.
Tip: always check with the person in your network, whether it’s ok to give your new connection their details. For example, you might say to your new connection, “I have a friend who specialises in that (whatever it is), I’ll chat to them and see if they are able to help and I’ll get back to you”.
Keep in mind that your current connection may be busy or whatever and can’t do it. So don’t make promises you can’t keep. Then, ensure you get back to the original person.
As I said before, you never know when, how or whom your network will provide an opportunity. But if you focus on quality relationships and adding value before asking for something your network is more likely to work for you.
When it comes time to ask for something, be careful about how you do it. If you have done something for someone just so you can ask for a favour, then you risk coming across as disingenuous and losing that connection.
It’s a fine line to tread and in the early stages of your networking, trial and error will be your guide. As always, if you want networking to be a serious part of your career or business, study it. Read books and articles, watch videos or speak with people you know are good networkers.
Tip: Don’t keep score. Don’t say to yourself, well I’ve done 5 things for you and you’ve done nothing for me. Keeping a scorecard will tarnish your networking efforts. Your efforts of giving of yourself may not come back directly from all individuals in your network but some will reciprocate, and you will benefit.
Think of your network as balloons you are trying to keep off the ground. If you don’t look after the balloon, it hits the ground and game over. The more balloons in the air, the more you must look after.
Each person in your network is a balloon. And every time you tap a balloon back up into the air, that’s the nurturing of the relationship. When the balloon hits the ground, that’s when you have neglected your relationship and the connection is broken.
Managing your network isn’t as frenetic as keeping balloons off the ground (I imagine) however, like all relationships, they require effort. It may only be a couple of times a year or more frequently depending on the circumstances, but you must continue to nurture your relationships appropriately.
And don’t forget to update your database after every contact.
Your power network
In Napoleon Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich”, he discusses the power of the master mind group.
The Master Mind can be defined as: Co-ordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose”.
For example, if I were a financial planner who owned my own practice, I would create a master mind group with other financial planning business owners with the aim of sharing knowledge and connections to boost the success of all the businesses.
You would brainstorm ideas, research topics or devise strategies for various sections of your business.
If you worked alone on trying to build a business, your ideas are limited to your knowledge and experience. If you have a business building master mind group of 10 – 20 people, the ideas generated are exponentially increased. The ideas are refined by the group’s successes and failures. Then you have a clear and actionable plan in a time frame significantly less than what you could achieve on your own.
If you are an employee, you could set up a networking (or whatever relevant topic) master mind group. You share stories of success, failure, tips, new techniques, solve problems and so on.
These group members must be selected carefully from your network so that all contribute and all can benefit.
The result is synergy: the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
Or even 5, 10 or 20!
The wrap
This post is not about what I do. It’s about what I should be doing!
So many of the things I’ve written about so far, I wish I knew, understood and internalised when I was 20. Not just trying to figure out in my mid-40s.
There is no point trying to fight this one. You can argue till the cows come home about why you won’t network. You can toil away working hard while the successful will work smarter.
Just like the sun comes up every morning, relationships are the lifeblood of most, if not all, successful careers or businesses. No one ever achieved anything great completely alone.
As discussed in the post on skills and knowledge, you must be good at what you do. But quality relationships in your network will elevate you to the next level of success.
Recommended reading topics:
Building rapport.
How to exit a conversation gracefully.
Building a mastermind group.
How to break up with a person in your network.
Up next …..
Confidence, Discipline, Persistence.
Take action in your life.
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